DarrenConley.com

Back in this post, I wrote about some realistic factors to consider if you ever wanted to be able to gain the power of self-propelled flight.  I fear that this post may have dashed the hopes of many aspiring Superman wannabes.  In the post below, I approach the idea of living on other planets in the same way.  If you hope to do this someday, you may not want to continue reading.  You have been warned.

All my life, I've loved science fiction.  From the first day I watched The Black Hole, until the latest episode of Battlestar Galactica which I watched over the weekend, sci-fi has offered me so much that real life could not: New, innovative concepts for aliens, cool-looking robots, and the possibility of life on other planets.

Finding planets teeming with life, or at least holding the possibility of life, happens fairly regularly in the sci-fi world.  Every second week (when they weren't dealing with "subspace anomalies") the crew of Star Trek: The Next Generation found another "M-class world" with the same atmosphere as earth.  Battlestar Galactica features humans who left one planet to colonize 13 others, including Earth itself.  Star Wars offers planets that may be entirely composed of ice, desert, or swamp, but there's still life to be found on each one.

In real life, however, life-supporting planets have been very rare.  In fact "completely undiscovered" is probably the best term.  There is no other planet in our solar system which could support human life without some serious planetary renovations first.  In fact, it's conspicuously odd that the Earth should be so overflowing with life (micro and macroscopic, on land, in saltwater, and freshwater, and present at Earth's temperature extremes, and at every degree in-between), and that every other planet we've come in contact with is so completely inhospitable to life.

The fact is, there are many variables involved in finding a planet that could support life (or earthly life, at least).  It has to be a certain distance from its sun in order to regulate planetary temperature, allowing water to exist in that narrow temperature band (0-100 degrees centigrade) where it can be found in liquid form.  I has to have a sun that produces sufficient heat (not too much or too little) without major fluctuations in order to keep planetary temperatures stable.  It has to have breathable atmosphere, with precise ratios of oxygen in relation to other elements, which can also filter out dangerous radiation from the sun and retain necessary surface heat.  

The planet would have to rotate at a certain speed on a precisely-aligned axis, so that no one area of it would be over or under-exposed to solar effects.  It would have to be of a particular size, so that it would not have too much or too little gravity.  It would need to contain all of the components necessary for the composition of organic life, in precise ratios, and in symbiotic relationship to everything else, in order to develop into mutually-beneficial ecosystems.  You can insert the creation/evolution debate here, if you like.

All of this is to say that even if you did find another planet in the universe that could support human life, it would be impossible to find another planet in the same solar system that would meet the same criteria (i.e. Battlestar Galactica's 12 colonies).  And the odds of finding two earth-like planets in one person's lifetime of space-travel would be far more unlikely than Star Trek would have us believe.

Not that space travel would ever be feasible anyway (see this post for more on that subject).  My point is that earth-like planets in science fiction are very much stretching the limits of fiction.  Which is what science fiction is supposed to do anyway, I suppose.  However, mark these words: Next time someone "discovers" an earth-like planet on a sci-fi show or movie, you will remember this post.  And in this way, DarrenConley.com will forever be part of your future sci-fi experiences.  Sorry.

I was almost 10 years old when my sister made her grand entrance into the world.  10 years is a fairly substantial age difference when it comes to siblings – just old enough to think of her in "parental" terms sometimes (babysitting her, changing her diaper, having to drive her around), and not quite so old that she isn't afraid to let me in on some of her guy problems.  Those are the times that I usually run out of the room screaming "TOO MUCH INFORMATION!" and force myself to play Sonic the Hedgehog for an hour or two, just to wipe any residual imagery from my mind. 

Everyone knows that playing hedgehog-based video games are the best option for cleansing the mental palate.

Being born in the mid 80s, my sister is a member of what some call the "digital generation".  That is to say, she has never known a world where there was no internet, no computer in the home, no video games, no cell phones, no email, and no instant messaging.  Although it's sometimes difficult to remember how I used to get directions or find song lyrics before the advent of the internet, I can still distinctly remember a time when I used to beg my parents to buy a Commodore 64, and "pen pals" meant that you actually wrote and mailed letters by hand.

The digital generation is all over the internet.  They have myspace pages, post pictures from their camera-phones, and they all have blogs.  I've been a little cautious about spending too much time on my sister Lorraine's blog, since being her brother means that I don't want to know EVERY detail about what's going on in her life.  I can only play so much Sonic the Hedgehog in one day.  But sometimes she writes stories which are humourous, entertaining, and worth sharing with the rest of the world, without fear of encountering uncomfortable details.  So, allow me to share with you this post on my sister's blog about her phone conversation with the guy at Sunrise Records.  Enjoy.

Oh, and if anyone says anything to me along the lines of "your sister is hot", I will personally make sure that the only part of you that ever makes contact with a woman again is whatever part the nurse is checking in order to find a pulse, after you've been beaten to death with a burlap sack full of raw cantaloupes and Jars of Clay CDs.

Ever notice how everyone in TV-land seems to live in the same telephone number exchange area?  90% of the time that you hear phone numbers being given out on television, or in movies, the number starts with "555".

Early in the growth of the entertainment industry, phone companies began encouraging TV and movie producers to use 555 for fictional phone numbers, to avoid the problem of real peoples' numbers being given out in productions, and studios getting sued for contributing to the phone harassment of the legitimate owners of those numbers.

However, in 1994, the North American Numbering Plan Administration decided to reserve only the numbers 555-0100 to 555-0199 for fictional use, and to allow applications for all of the other possible 555 numbers to be submitted.  The idea was that people could get a 7-digit 555 phone number which could be dialed anywhere in North America without the area code, and reach its destination.  Kinda like 1-800 numbers, but without the toll-free part.  

The unfortunate part of this plan was that phone companies weren't too keen on paying the money necessary to upgrade their technology to implement this service, so despite the fact that almost every 555 number has been reserved, very few actually function.  I was disappointed to learn that they had all been snatched up – it would have been nice to get 555-5555, or 555-NERD, or even 555-BLOG.  I was going to suggest some other 4 letter words, but then I remembered that my in-laws read this site.

Every time I hear a phone number being given out in movies or TV, I always listen for the 555, or take notice of some way that they work around it (having the number interrupted, or using letters instead of numbers for the 555 part).  It's too bad that they picked such a recognizable exchange, since now it seems to distort the realism of the show when I hear it.

If you're as bored as I was today, here are a list of some other 555 resources to check out:

555 at Wikipedia
555 numbers used in entertainment
Owners of 555 numbers

I believe I mentioned in an earlier post about how married life somehow managed to expand my waistline a bit.  Between my wedding day (May 19, 2006) and the day I started school, (first week of September), I had to adjust my belt two notches to-the-bigger. 

Feeling like a big fat slob, combined with the availability of a modern, inexpensive work-out facility at Brock, gave me the motivation to get a little more proactive in preventing the expansion of my "paunch" to "three-belt-notch" proportions.  So, for the past two months(ish) I've been going to the gym 5 days per week, and monitoring my eating habits.

Well my friends, I'm pleased to say that I am officially about 5 pounds lighter, and one full belt-notch back towards my 32 inch waistline.  In actuality, I probably have lost about 10 pounds of fat, and put on 5 pounds of muscle, because besides noticing less bulge hanging over my pant-line, I've also noticed that the chest and pipes are lookin' much better than the pre-marital bliss days.  Larissa teases me for posing in the bathroom mirror.  I call it "keeping up my motivation". 

For those of you who may be anxious to embark on the path towards better health and self-esteem, and leave the path of "unzipping your pants so that it doesn't hurt when you sit down", I offer you some principles that I've been following these past few months:

1. Join a gym.  Paying money to work out increases your motivation to go there.  And make sure you go regularly.  Get in the habit of feeling guilty if you don't make it to the gym that day.  If you need extra help feeling guilty, grab your midsection and jiggle it around a bit while looking in the mirror.

2. Prioritize working out as a part of your daily routine.  As a student, I have classes at different times on different days, and a ton of homework to take care of.  But my body is more important than the piece of paper I'm earning – after all, I'm stuck with this body for a lifetime.  Each day of the week, I have a set time when I do my workout.  It's amazing, even in the midst of a crazy study schedule, how pushing your body to its limits helps to drain away stress, even for just a few hours. 

3. Do both weight training and cardio training.  Some people just want to lose weight, and spend all of their time on the treadmill or elliptical machine without training their muscles.  Building muscle mass through weight training maximizes your cardio workout by providing more tissue for your fat to feed as you burn it.  It may add some extra time to your workout, but it's worth it.

4. Cut out the junk food.  My philosophy on eating habits has been this: No candy, soda, or anything else that has sugar as the first ingredient.  At the same time, I've tried to eat as many fruits and vegetables as possible, and to drink fruit juice or water at meals.  That's it – no junk, more fruit and veg.  It's not an aggressive diet, but it's working for me so far.

5. Spread meals out over the day.  I spread my lunch out over my school day, usually with a meat and cheese sandwich, fruit juice, and banana at 11am, and a granola bar and apple in the mid-afternoon sometime.  By eating small amounts throughout the day, you prevent your metabolism from ramping up and dropping down after each meal, and keep a steady flow of energy going all day.

There you have it my friends – simple, and effective.  And if you can find someone else to support you in your health endeavors, even better.  I'm trying to get Larissa to come to the gym with me, but she keeps insisting that she "doesn't have the right clothes".  However, I know the real reason – She's afraid that I won't be able to fend off all of the athletic men who will be constantly hitting on her. 

Don't worry baby – another two months of building these pipes and I'll be intimidating the other guys away with a simple tricept-flex.  And a gun.

My good friend, a member of my wedding party, and soon to be famous actor, Dave Lapsley, sent me a link to this hilarious phone conversation with a telemarketer.  If you only click on one telemarketing-related link today, click on this one.

Tell me if this has ever happened to you:  You're walking down the street, and some car drives past you, or you walk past a person, and instead of turning around to see them after they pass you, you instinctively look up and slightly to the right so that you can catch them in your rear view mirror.  Not long after trying this, (usually within a few milliseconds), you realize that you are not in your car, and therefore have no access to any sort of mirror-type apparatus whatsoever.

This hasn't happened to me as much as the whole bathroom-confusion-at-the-urinal phenomenon, but it has happened on more occasions than I can count on one hand.  It got me thinking though, why not make rearview mirrors for people walking?  They could attach to your head or hat, and might potentially save your life, if someone is trying to sneak up behind you and stab you.

Not that anyone has tried to stab me yet, but I do hang out with Doug from time to time, so the potential is constantly growing. 

UPDATE:  I just found a picture of what I'm talking about, although it's only for cycling.  Though, from what I hear, in Welland they call this a "helmet-mounted anti-stabbing detector".

The good folks over at xxxchurch.com are handing out Bibles to porn stars, because nobody else is gonna.  And how are conservative Christians reacting?  "We don't like the picture on the cover."  Check out this video from ABC World News:

I got an email from John Campea yesterday.  For those of who who didn't find my blog through The Movie Blog, John is the "Founder and Editor" of TMB, as well as the showrunner of its podcast, The Audio Edition.  I am privledged to be a once-per-week participant of this podcast, along with John, Doug Nagy, and Bruxy Cavey. 

The podcast has always been the strongest, and most entertaining feature of The Movie Blog, and has gained in poplarity and recognition over the last few years of its production.  We were astounded when we won the Bloggie award for "Best Podcast of a Weblog" last year, and didn't think it could get much better than that.

Well, it seems that things keep getting better anyway.  Since Bruxy joined the team a couple months ago, the numbers won't stop growing.  Which brings me to the email I got from John yesterday.  As of 11:12am, EST yesterday morning, the latest edition of The Audio Edition had been downloaded:

42,597 times

That's the population of a small city, listening to me (along with the other three guys, of course).  Over forty thousand people know that my school courses are killing me, and I love Battlestar Galactica.  That's more people than I've ever spoken to in my life. 

Now if only I can get them all to give me $1 each, I can put a nice downpayment on a house, and Larissa and I can move into a place that doesn't have flooding issues on the third floor – but that's a story for another post.

Little known fact about the Conley toilet – it doesn't always like to flush on the first try.  Sometimes, it just sorta hiccups.  Sometimes, it hiccups two or three times in a row.  That is, unless you know how to handle it, like I do.  Hence the conversation Larissa and I had yesterday

Darren: You know, the toilet flushes for me on the first try every time.

Larissa: ARRRGGG!  Head butt!

D: It's because you flush it all dainty-like.

L: I don't!

D: You're like "floosh!  floosh!  flooshity-floosh!"

L: I don't "floosh"!

D: You gotta be like "UUUUGGGHHH!!!  YEAH!  GET DOWN THERE, WATER!"  That's a man's flush!

L: That's why I don't flush anymore – I just leave it for you.

Sleep.  Usually one of the most relaxing ways to pass your time.  However, lately, sleep has been my enemy.  Allow me to explain:

I'm in the middle of a one year graduate program.  This means that I have only one year to accomplish the amount of work that a standard two or three year program participant might expect.  In order to make it through this program, I've gotta do a nostril-load of reading.  Reading requires that I stay awake.  And here's where the problem starts.

Every time I sit down at my computer and start reading through the required articles, or try to do some research for my next paper, I start to fall asleep.  I'm wide awake when my butt hits the chair, and I'm ready to nap when my eyes hit the third paragraph.  It's like there's some subconscious part of my brain that says "Yeah, I don't really feel like reading right now, and I could care less about what mark you're going to get in this course, so I'm shutting down the system." 

Stupid brain. I don't know how it got me into this program, only to stop cooperating when I really need it.   And here's the other problem:

Larissa and I usually get up at about 6:30am, so that I can be at class for 8am, and Larissa can have some time to prepare for her classes before she has to teach.  Now, I know that 6:30am seems early enough, but whatever part of my brain that wants me to fail my courses and shut me down during reading time has now forged a treaty with the part of my brain that's responsible for waking me up in time for school (my "internal clock", if you will).  And it's not that it's making me sleep in.  It's far more devious than that.

Every morning, for the last 3 weeks, I've woken up at 5:03am, and have not been able to get back to sleep. 

Do you see the cruel irony here?  At the very hour when sleep is most desirable, and should be readily attainable, it escapes my grasp.  On the other hand, at the very hour when sleep would most interfere with my day, it gently slips its arms around me and quietly lulls me into unconsciousness with its soft kisses that use only a hint of tongue.  

Sleep is a fickle mistress, my friends, and I will tame her, before she brings down my academic career in ruinous lethargy.